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Wednesday, December 5, 2012 Post - Change(ing)

Rick Barry
Internet Columnist & Ebook Writer

Wygee's World

Rick's Perspective
Another pair of eyes - looking to help make it better!

become or make different, substitute or replace something, pass from one state to another

Recently a reader asked;

The Question:
I've been dating this same guy since I was seventeen. I won't say how old I am now, but I will say that we have children together and one is an adult now. Our past is filled with wonderful memories and some sadness, but overall, we have shown each other that love is more important than most things. Most recently I've noticed a change in him and his behavior. No, not that he's seeing someone else; it's his desire to live differently than how we've been living. We've talked about his desires to start anew together and move to a new place, save more money, run the household better and just live over all better. I can see the changes he's making to prepare to live this new life and I'm still doing the same ole thing. Although I agree in words and am willing to change with him, he gets frustrated when I keep doing things the same way I've always done them. I try real hard, but I find myself without thinking - doing it like I've always done. I haven't told him, but I am afraid and scared about living somewhere else. Where will I work? What will I do if I don't know this new place?

Rick's Perspective:
First I have to say: change or changing for the better is a healthy process when done in a positive way. The processes of growing and learning are submerged in change, without it we all would have simply never become adults. Remember way back, to when you were in elementary school and how the everyday excitement of learning something new, coupled with the moment you shared it made your days come alive!  It's only when we've come to a point of; feeling like we don't need, can't learn or our habit prevents us that we make our lives and those around us harder to live.
So try a few new focus points,
  • Habits formed over any period of time - can be changed
  • Pre-planning make changes flow smoother
  • Accept that change can be positive - if done correctly

Research shows that when change is difficult, most choose to stick with what they know, the default behavior, because they lack confidence in their choice. But, if one can't continue with the same behavior it seems the winning choice is to do nothing at all about changing. It's also known that many wait to reach a specific point or situation, usually a negative one, to make a reluctantly sudden change out of desperation or fear. In some cases, refusing to change can create a bigger problem: i.e. severed relationships, lost opportunities or a life filled with disappointment.

Ask yourself these questions and answer yourself with honesty and truthfulness;
  • Am I avoiding change?
  • Am I willing to identify my current defaults and make change(s)?
  • Do I really believe I can make a positive change?
  • Am I willing to step into the unknown and create something new?        
  • Is losing my relationship worth avoiding change?
Then the process...I suggest;

The Self-Evaluate Process:
This process involves one party (yourself) looking at you from a factual perspective. Go back in time to remember choices you have made, the real facts to why you choose the path(s) you chose and what was/were the outcome(s). Ask yourself if your choice(s) bettered your life and the life of those around you. Then switch to the future. Imagine your life if you made the changes suggested. What new world to live in would you be creating and how you would make it the best for everyone involved. If you need, write things down on paper. Compare your life now to a new created life on paper and realize the betterment. Use this as your pre-plan for change and you will have made your first positive step towards change.

Rick's Thought To Remember
By avoiding change you are sending out the message that you are happy the way things are on the simplest level and have possibly decided that you don't need/want to learn new things. Understand that being fearful, afraid and scared of change can also be learned behaviors. Losing relationships, opportunities and etc aren't worth avoiding change. As adults, we have the luxury of pre-planning change which in itself can inspire, over power fear, break down walls and usher in a fresh breath of life - so many of us need and deserve. Positive change is the best change of all - hands down.

Until next time: Live, laugh, love & relationship!

Talk To Rick.... Send your question to: Ask Rick -
Your response could be chosen to appear on the site!

Posted In: Advice Relationship
Tags: relationships, change, love, life, relationship advice

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

At a time, you may come to feel cheated as this is a part of ALL relationships. The happiness you dreamed of for your life goes gray during this moment. But forget not, this period is what love lives for! Re-dedicate your energies and double your good efforts as moments quickly change and before you know it, beautiful dreams never dreamt -- will begin to come true.....FACt

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

FACt...The Difference #2

The difference between a dysfunctional and wonderful relationship is:
 Dysfunctional = TRYING / Wonderful = DONE. Don't get hung up or so proud of just TRYING. It's just the beginning of getting things done. As a matter of fact, when you get GOOD at getting things done, you won't even TRY anymore......FACt

My Take: 

Having desires to do and be the best in relationship is a shared feeling for many people. The time spent attempting to fix problems in relationships can easily take over if one doesn't take heed to learning how to resolve issues before they become big problems. Although there is a proven process to this success, many don't have a complete picture of what it really takes. First you have to be willing to learn new things and ways that can help you - this is called growing. This part of the process seems understandable and most will agree with it, but at the same time fail to realize that this will only get them part of the way. The very next important step of trying is where a common problem shows its ugly head and why I put attention here. The reason I do is because some believe that just trying new things they have learned is enough and should be looked at as permanent progress, but I disagree. Thinking that way is why trying leads to dysfunction. Trying is the process that allows one to engage in something new to preview its reaction in their relationship. Under no other situations in life is the mere trying of something new a permanent solution to an issue and this holds true in relationships. One could easily find several things to try, but only choose one because it seems to have the potential to work for them. This is why trying is just a stage and shall be moved on from. Practicing is the next stage and this is where the approved new thing(s) are used and repeated in your relationship to make it better. Over time, your relationship shall respond to the changes you made and this shall bring you to the desired position of why you even started this whole fixing problems thing in the first place; to get it done!

Love is like a hammer, it's strong. Love is like a screwdriver, ready to tighten up whatever's loose. Love is like a carpenter, ready to work out any problem. Put the hammer and screwdriver in the carpenter's hand and let love do it's job in your life...FACt

Monday, June 25, 2012

Your REAL love

Real LOVE is a gift. A gift given to you by a power much bigger than yourself. This gift will live inside you wonderfully, as long as you accept it, yield to it and allow it to help you in your everyday life - the way it is intended. And like this gift was given to you, you must give it to others - as this is the WAY of love. Love is more than just a feeling. It's bigger than a person, place or thing - it is God, as God is love. With love comes responsibility and without responsibility - the gift of love goes back to God and you should know that you are the one who sent it away. Keep your gift of love by appreciating it, celebrating it and let it guide your life. Be responsible to share it everyday and your gift will continue to grow within and around you - in the biggest of ways.

Monday, June 18, 2012 Post - Compromise(ing)

Rick Barry
Internet Columnist & Ebook Writer


Rick's Perspective
Another pair of eyes - looking to help make it better!

agreement with both people giving up something. a way of solving a problem or ending an argument in which both people or groups accept that they cannot have everything they want

Recently a reader asked;

The Question:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for just three years. We don't have any kids, we both work full-time and have just recently moved in together. Over the last year, we have saved some money together without a clear decision on its future use. Maybe for our wedding, a house or even our retirement, but not for useless things like my girl wanting to buy another car. I think she believes since we have the money set-a-side, she needs the new car. I think it's a stupid idea. The car she has still runs fine and she just wants to spend money. Although getting another used car wouldn't cost much, I still don't understand if I should compromise what I think and feel to do that.

Rick's Perspective:
Well it sounds like you both are hard working individuals - shown by you both working full-time jobs and that you are being responsible relationship team players - expressed by saving money together. One thing to remember in our relationships is that there is no longer one party making decisions about things. There is you, her and the 'we' to consider. You think this, she thinks that, but what do WE think?
According to polls,
  • 37% of us say we have ended relationships over money problems
  • 22% of us say, no we have not, while
  • 41% say, not yet...but I'm getting there
Disagreeing about money in our relationships is noted as one of the most common problem issues we have. But most money as well as relationship issues can be handled by a process and/or a procedure the couple has previously agreed to use. But if you both haven't one or are new to the idea, then pay close attention. Developing a process or procedure to deal with this and many other types of situations is a great idea for most relationships. Most of us as individuals have processes that we use to govern our singular decisions, but we don't always convert or upgrade it once we get involved in a relationship. A relationship process isn't favored to either party and should be developed and agreed upon by both parties as a useful tool to be used within their life together. That's the real question to be answered, what process (es) should we use to resolve this issue and here's my suggestion..

First you both ask yourselves these questions and answer with honesty and truthfulness;
  • Who needs or wants what?
  • Who will benefit?
  • Can we do it together?
  • How will it affect us(our future)?   
Then the process...I suggest;

The P.Y.C (Prove Your Case) Process:
This process involves one party (the one asking) to use the answers to the questions above and prove to the other party (the one giving in) that if 'we' agree, we will be happy about our decision. After each answer is fully presented, the other party (the one giving in) will then base his/her response solely on the facts brought to them by the other party (the one asking) and isn't allowed to include their own thoughts or ideas.  If there is an agreement to the facts, then this becomes the 'our' decision without either party ever looking back to singular thoughts or ideas. This process, in most cases, can be complete within a short period of time, but may be prolonged based on the issue at hand.

Rick's Thought To Remember
Arguing, breaking up and worse all over money isn't worth losing someone you truly care about. Going back to the keyword used above; compromise(ing), I have to admit that in a real loving relationship most individual choices made for the 'us' won't feel like a compromise at all and should leave both parties satisfied. But if you continue to see it that way, consider this; every so-called compromise I make, makes him/her happy and in turn I am filled with joy, love and appreciation. This makes relationship all the worth while!

Until next time: Live, laugh, love & relationship!

Talk To Rick.... Send your question to: Ask Rick -
Your response could be chosen to appear on the site!

Posted In: Love, Life & Family
Tags: relationships, money problems, love, life, relationship advice

Friday, May 25, 2012

Neighborhood Relations

I wonder everyday about the effect I have on my neighbors. Not that these people I don't know past a half hearted -'Hi' mean the world to me, but I never want to be an inconsiderate neighbor. You know, the one that won't cut the grass, comes out of the house half-dressed or the one with all the trash in the front yard.
I have to admit, I'm in one of the worst neighborhoods in the ATL at the moment. And I'm not talking about being on any of the 'scenic' routes the tour buses drive down with a load of (you) visitors. I'm talking about the real world of current day people surviving hard times here everyday.
Last night around ten, as I continued to write in my current series, my attention was interrupted by the loud music playing outside. I mean loud. I stopped writing and stepped out the second floor office window onto the roof (a place I go to look up at the sky). The music is loud like I could understand the lyrics to each song and dance to it if I choose. Looking up the street, I tried to determine which house it was coming from but I couldn't because it was in the next block of houses, so I decided to take a walk.
Casually walking, the music got louder as I passed into the next block. After about ten houses passed I reached the house playing the intrusive sounds, coming from the backside. There were no unusual amount of vehicles parked out front and no random people walking or talking about. There was no party going on! I wasn't shocked, but I was hoping there was a big celebration going down, but it just was blasting music cutting through the air at the twenty-second hour of the day.
I shortly returned to my office and still could hear a popular song by Silk playing and filling the neighborhood. What were these people thinking? Were they thinking at all? Yes, they were - only about themselves! Playing music loud isn't a big issue for most. I hear cars drive by with volumes of music playing which make my ears beg for silence often, but at least they finally drive out of range - a house can't move. When your song comes on and you bump the volume up to feel ever beat/word, that's understandable. But if midnight comes and your song hasn't ended, but you still have club music playing at volume twenty, you are just wrong. I was more than ten houses away and annoyed.
Neighbors, please! Be considerate of us, the one's you really don't know, because I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear my 'ole school' raps bursting through your closed windows as your children are sleep for school and you are winding down from your long day. And if you parents aren't the ones and it's your children you are allowing to do this, you should be ashamed of your lack of parenting. Teach those who would rather not concern themselves the right way in which to go. And for the neighbors whom are sidelined like myself, three words of advice; call the cops!
As a comedian has said, "You better get it together!"

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Ebook Library

Good day! How many books do you have in your ebook computer library? NONE? Did you know there are thousands upon thousands of ebooks on all types of subjects and a large number are free? You can read on your computer, hand held device and/or cell phone. What to find out how? Leave a comment....