Internet Columnist & Ebook Writer
JUNE 2012 ISSUE
Another pair of eyes - looking to help make it better!
agreement with both people giving up something. a way of solving a problem or ending an argument in which both people or groups accept that they cannot have everything they want
Recently a reader asked;
My girlfriend and I have been dating for just three years. We don't have any kids, we both work full-time and have just recently moved in together. Over the last year, we have saved some money together without a clear decision on its future use. Maybe for our wedding, a house or even our retirement, but not for useless things like my girl wanting to buy another car. I think she believes since we have the money set-a-side, she needs the new car. I think it's a stupid idea. The car she has still runs fine and she just wants to spend money. Although getting another used car wouldn't cost much, I still don't understand if I should compromise what I think and feel to do that.
Well it sounds like you both are hard working individuals - shown by you both working full-time jobs and that you are being responsible relationship team players - expressed by saving money together. One thing to remember in our relationships is that there is no longer one party making decisions about things. There is you, her and the 'we' to consider. You think this, she thinks that, but what do WE think?
According to polls,
- 37% of us say we have ended relationships over money problems
- 22% of us say, no we have not, while
- 41% say, not yet...but I'm getting there
Disagreeing about money in our relationships is noted as one of the most common problem issues we have. But most money as well as relationship issues can be handled by a process and/or a procedure the couple has previously agreed to use. But if you both haven't one or are new to the idea, then pay close attention. Developing a process or procedure to deal with this and many other types of situations is a great idea for most relationships. Most of us as individuals have processes that we use to govern our singular decisions, but we don't always convert or upgrade it once we get involved in a relationship. A relationship process isn't favored to either party and should be developed and agreed upon by both parties as a useful tool to be used within their life together. That's the real question to be answered, what process (es) should we use to resolve this issue and here's my suggestion..
First you both ask yourselves these questions and answer with honesty and truthfulness;
- Who needs or wants what?
- Who will benefit?
- Can we do it together?
- How will it affect us(our future)?
Then the process...I suggest;
The P.Y.C (Prove Your Case) Process:
This process involves one party (the one asking) to use the answers to the questions above and prove to the other party (the one giving in) that if 'we' agree, we will be happy about our decision. After each answer is fully presented, the other party (the one giving in) will then base his/her response solely on the facts brought to them by the other party (the one asking) and isn't allowed to include their own thoughts or ideas. If there is an agreement to the facts, then this becomes the 'our' decision without either party ever looking back to singular thoughts or ideas. This process, in most cases, can be complete within a short period of time, but may be prolonged based on the issue at hand.
Rick's Thought To Remember
Arguing, breaking up and worse all over money isn't worth losing someone you truly care about. Going back to the keyword used above; compromise(ing), I have to admit that in a real loving relationship most individual choices made for the 'us' won't feel like a compromise at all and should leave both parties satisfied. But if you continue to see it that way, consider this; every so-called compromise I make, makes him/her happy and in turn I am filled with joy, love and appreciation. This makes relationship all the worth while!
Until next time: Live, laugh, love & relationship!
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Posted In: Love, Life & Family
Tags: relationships, money problems, love, life, relationship advice